Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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