I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
