theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
