dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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