is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
