never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
