she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
