I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
