I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
