In the future we'll all be gay
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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