I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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