I look better un-naked...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
