i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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