i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
