my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
