sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
