i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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