Where did you get a picture of my penis
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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