...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
