would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
