I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm passing your future prison.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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