both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
