I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
