best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
