you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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