hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
