I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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