and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
