I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
