Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
