I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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