they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
