Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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