You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
