dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
