She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
