I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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