His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
