so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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