do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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