I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
