It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole a fireplace last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
