Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
