Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
with your own penis?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
