Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
