Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
