i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
