I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
