some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
