dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
