my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
