we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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