His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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