I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
