Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
