So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
