imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
