Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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