in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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