Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
