he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
