Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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