I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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